Conversation With a Seiyuu
by Cassidy J
Summary: [COMPLETE] Sesshoumaru, his seiyuu Narita Ken, Inuyasha, Kagome, and Jaken have a civilized conversation. No, really.
1. Part I

     _Disclaimer:  Inuyasha nor their seiyuu belong to me.  End of story, unfortunately._

     Hey and welcome.  This is just something that was nudging vaguely in the back of my mind, decided to write it!  It's written in dialogue, so it's not exactly a *story*.  Dunno, it's supposed to be humorous (HINT:  OOCness involved), but um... it might not be.  Anyway, I may be doing other versions of the same thing...

     This first conversation is based on Sesshoumaru and his seiyuu (voice actor), Narita Ken.

     This was in part inspired by the Anime Scramble interview released a bit ago.  Only some, since I'm not exactly fluent in Japanese.  ^_^

[Scene:  Conference Table.  Just thought you'd like to know? – Presences include: Sesshoumaru, Jaken, Narita Ken, Inuyasha, and Kagome]

**Narita:  ...**are you trying to get me killed, Jaken?  I never said such a thing!

**Jaken****:  It's true, Sesshoumaru-sama!  He did state that you were nothing without his voice.  Do you wish his death?**

**Narita:**  You idiot!  Without me, he can't say anything in the anime!  Do you really want him to be mute for the rest of his anime career?

**Jaken****:  This is foolishness.  Sesshoumaru-sama does not need a puny human to be his voice on anime.  He has always said his own lines!**

**Kagome:**  [_whispers to Inuyasha_] If Sesshoumaru can't talk without this Narita-san, does that mean...?

**Inuyasha****:  [_says loudly_] KEH!  Figures that my pathetic older brother can't even talk on his own!**

**Kagome:**  [_whispers to Inuyasha_]  Don't make me say 'the' word, Inuyasha!  Don't provoke him!

**Sesshoumaru****:  [_to Narita_] This Sesshoumaru speaks for himself.  You are an annoyance.  Do you truly wish to die?**

**Narita:**  [_deepens his voice to sound identical to Sesshoumaru_]  This Sesshoumaru finds you in denial.

[_long__ pause]_

**Inuyasha****:  Hey... that's pretty neat.  Try saying "Inuyasha is the best"!**

**Sesshoumaru****:  Shut up, half-breed.**

**Narita:**  Such a thing must not be said from me!

**Inuyasha****:  Awww, come on.  Say it!  Or do you want me to bring out Tessaiga...?**

**Narita:**  Hmph.  If I say it, Sesshoumaru will use Toukijin; if I don't, you will use Tessaiga.  However, since Kagome-sama would never allow you to kill me, I believe I won't say it after all.

**Kagome:**  Hey... why is Jaken so quiet?

**Jaken****:  Shut up, human wench.  This Jaken needs not answer to you!**

**Narita:**  Jaken.

**Jaken****:  Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama... AIIIEEE, do not do that you pathetic human!  [_brandishes__ the Staff of Heads menacingly]_**

**Kagome & Inuyasha:**  [_laughter_]

**Sesshoumaru****:  Jaken.**

**Jaken****:  I'm not falling for that, you disgusting filth!  Take thi—**

*SMACK*

**Jaken****:  [_face against the table_] Forgive me, Sesshoumaru-sama...**

**Narita:**  Remind me why my character had to be stuck with such an idiotic retainer.

**Sesshoumaru****:  This Sesshoumaru is not a 'character'.**

**Narita:**  Well, according to this script you are—see?

**Sesshoumaru****:**  ...

**Kagome:**  Script?!  Wait a second—what is that doing here?  HEY!  It's to the third movie!  [_she_ grabs the wad of paper_]  Let's see... oh, I like this line.  Hey, Inuyasha, it's where I tell you sit—_

*CRASH*

**Kagome:**  Oops!  Sorry, I didn't mean it!

**Inuyasha****: [_gets up from the ground_]  Y-you bii~iiiiiiitch...!**

**Sesshoumaru****:  Pathetic, to be so anxious over a movie.**

**Kagome:**  But, Sesshoumaru, it looks like you have a very big role in it!

**Jaken****:  Of course he does!  Sesshoumaru-sama is far more important than—**

**Narita:**  Jaken.

**Jaken****:  Hai, Sesshou—WHY YOU...!**

**Sesshoumaru****:  Jaken**

**Jaken****:  STOP DOING THAT—eh?  Your lips didn't move...**

*SMACK*

**Jaken****:  [_face against the table_]  Forgive this poor Jaken, Sesshoumaru-sama...**

**Narita:**  As you can see, I have many lines to speak in the movie.  It would be in your best interests to forget these violent tendencies you harbor toward my person.

**Jaken****:  [_angrily_] Sesshoumaru-sama does not need you to...**

*SMACK*

**Jaken****:  [_against table_]  He hits just like Sesshoumaru-sama...**

**Kagome:**  So, Narita-san, are you saying that in the movie and anime, we need to have other people talking for us?

**Narita:**  Exactly...

[Sesshoumaru unsheathes Toukijin and rests the tip against Narita's throat.]

**Sesshoumaru****:  You.**

**Narita:**  Yes?

**Sesshoumaru****:  I have noticed that my voice is not as perfect as it should be.  You will work on it.**

**Narita:**  Eh?!

**Sesshoumaru****:  It must be deeper, and far more confident.  Your training begins now!**

**Narita:**  Now hold on just a min— Ow.  Okay, I get the point.  [_voice__ deepens]  Like this?_

**Sesshoumaru****:  This Sesshoumaru does not question.  You must be rid of such a lowly habit.**

**Narita:**  I am no longer Narita Ken.  I am... Sesshoumaru.

[Kagome is whispering frantically in Inuyasha's ear.  Inuyasha looks faintly annoyed, but his expression fades to agreement—chances are she just threatened with the 's' word again, folks.]

**Inuyasha****:  [_childish voice_]  Sesshou-nii-chan!***

**Sesshoumaru****:**  ...

**Narita:**  Ah, my beloved little brother, what is it?

**Sesshoumaru****:  This Sesshoumaru will not allow such a disgusting farce!  Inuyasha, your blood will be rust on my Toukijin!**

**Kagome:**  Ne, Narita-san, is there any way to convince someone to put prayer beads on Sesshoumaru...?  Inuyasha, SIT!

*THUD*

*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`

* — Translation:  big brother Sesshou[maru] — Taken from Anime Scramble Part II.  Yes, Inuyasha actually DOES say "Sesshou-nii-chan" in a little kid voice in the interview.  (And Sesshoumaru responds with "my dear brother" or something of the sort.  It's funny, 'cause he makes this weird groan after Inu's seiyuu says that, before finally responding.  I guess it was a traumatizing event.)

**CJ's Blurb:  **Anyway, yeah.  I know it's not as funny as I thought it was going to be, but it might be just humorous enough to make you smile.  I hope. ^_^  I might do one with Inuyasha and his seiyuu, and possibly others... but I dunno.  We'll see.

Happy holidays, everyone!  I hope your wishes come true for the New Year.  And all that nice stuff.


	2. Part II

     _Disclaimer:  Don't own Inuyasha, or their seiyuu._

This is a continuation of sorts, of the first part.  Thought this might be fun...

[Scene:  Conference Room.  Inuyasha, Kagome, Sesshoumaru, Jaken, Narita Ken.  Inuyasha is sulking in his chair, and Narita Ken is held at swordpoint by Sesshoumaru]

**Kagome:**  You guys need to calm down.  I've already sent Shippou for a rosary, Sesshoumaru, so you need to calm down too.  Don't give me that look!  I've had it with your icy glares.  We're not in the anime right now, remember?

**Sesshoumaru****:**  ... [_unsheathes__ Toukijin]  The threat of a rosary does not intimidate I, Sesshoumaru._

**Kagome:**  Honestly... you can drop the ego trip.  Everyone KNOWS you're Sesshoumaru.  Lording it over us doesn't do anything but make you look like a too-proud child.

**Sesshoumaru****:  Do you dare call me an infant, wench?**

**Kagome:**  Hey!  You really _are_ like Inuyasha.  Call me by name!  Ka – go – me.  It's not that hard!

**Sesshoumaru****:  You insult me, wench.  And where is your short skirt?**

**Kagome:**  I'm not being filmed right now, I can wear whatever I want!  And I happen to like jeans when I'm around perverts like Miroku-sama!

**Jaken****:  Pathetic humans, worrying about such things... and wearing such indecent clothing!**

**Kagome:**  [_annoyed sigh_]  Really, you guys can stop the Sengoku Jidai act.  Jaken, you know your wife wears jeans all the time.  I know who makes them for her!

**Jaken****:  Hey!  Stay away from my wife, you disgusting—**

**Narita:**  Jaken.

**Jaken****:  Hai, Sesshoumaru-sa—STOP DOING THAT!**

**Sesshoumaru****: ...**

[_Jaken__ looks momentarily uncertain, then smirks smugly when Sesshoumaru doesn't call his name.]_

**Jaken****:  Hah!  This Jaken will no longer be fooled by—**

**Sesshoumaru****:  Jaken.**

**Jaken****:  Your worthless tricks—**

**Sesshoumaru****:  Jaken.**

**Jaken****:  Because I know when Sesshoumaru-sama is truly speaking to me—**

**Sesshoumaru****:  _Jaken__.  [_wealth___ of annoyance in his voice]_**

**Jaken****:  For he sounds much more confident, much more like the taiyoukai he—**

*THUD*

**Jaken****:  [_against the table_]  Please forgive this lowly Jaken, my lord...**

**Sesshoumaru****:  You seem enamored of your own voice.**

**Jaken****:  Please forgive me, Sesshoumaru-sama.**

**Sesshoumaru****: ...**

**Narita:**  Shut up, Jaken.

**Jaken****:  Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama.**

**Narita:**  Go throw yourself off a bridge.  It's annoying seeing someone as ugly as you every day.

**Jaken****:  Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama.  [_walks_ to the door before realizing what's going on_]  Why you...! [_brandishes___ the Staff of Heads menacingly]_**

*THUD*

**Kagome:**  Honestly, I'm going to need to tell your wife about how annoying you've been lately.

**Inuyasha****:  Yeah, really.  He was starting to get on my nerves.**

**Kagome:**  Inuyasha... he did get on your nerves.  You're the one that hit him.

**Jaken****:  [_voice muffled, as he's plastered against the floor_]  Please forgive this lowly Jaken, Sesshoumaru-sama... and don't tell my wife.  She uses the staff better than I do!**

**Kagome:**  [_laughter_]  She's also shorter than you.  But at least she's a lot cuter!

*knock, knock*

[_Kagome opens the door curiously._]

**Kagome:**  Ah!  Shippou-chan!  Thank you!  [_holds__ a box in her hand]_

**Shippou****:  Just like you asked, Kagome!  And look!  I found a new friend!**

**Watanabe Kumiko:  **Hello!  I'm Watanabe Kumiko, the seiyuu for Shippou—

**Inuyasha**** and Jaken:  [_raucous laughter_]**

**Inuyasha****:  Wha?  Go figure the brat has a _girl_ to be his voice!**

**Kagome:**  [_sweetly_] Inuyasha...

**Inuyasha****:  [_ears twitch violently_]  Wh-what's with that face, Kagome?**

**Kagome:**  SIT!

*THUD*

**Inuyasha****:  Owww, yoo~oooooooou—**

**Kumiko****:  [_speaks loudly_]  Please call me Kumiko!**

**Kagome:**  Ah, Kumiko-chan!  Here, there's an empty seat by Narita-san.

**Narita:**  It is good to see you again, Watanabe-san.

**Kumiko****:  And you, Narita-san.  Shippou, what's wrong?**

**Shippou****:  [_in tears_]  It's n-not m-my f-fault y-you're a gi-g-girl!**

**Kagome:**  Oh, Shippou-chan, don't you listen to that stupid man...

**Inuyasha****:  HEY!**

**Kagome:**  SIT!

*THUD*

**Sesshoumaru****:  Hmph.  As foolish as ever, half-breed.**

**Inuyasha****:  Ooooh... as soon as this wears off, you're going to regret thaa~aat!**

**Sesshoumaru****:  As if a lowly hanyou like yourself could ever touch I, Sesshoumaru!**

**Kagome:**  [_sweetly_]  Oh, Sesshoumaru-sama?

**Sesshoumaru****:  What do you want, wench?**

**Kagome:**  I have a gift for you—here!  [_a_ rosary is quickly slipped over his head before he can react, having been staring at his brother_]_

**Sesshoumaru****:**  ?!

**Kagome:**  SIT!

*THUD*

*THUD*

**Sesshoumaru****:  [_against the table_]  I now understand my brother's fear of such a thing...**

**Kagome:**  The both of you, play nice!

**Sesshoumaru****:  For so daring to insult I, Sesshoumaru, you will pay!  [_gets__ up and unsheathes Toukijin]_**

**Inuyasha****:  Hey!  Don't you lay a hand on Kagome!  [_unsheathes__ Tetsusaiga]_**

[Cue Battle Music]

**Kagome:**  Ah—

**Kumiko****:  [_stars sparkle around her_]  My, Kagome-chan, they are fighting over you!**

**Kagome:**  Yes, well, it's not exactly—

**Shippou****:  They're idiots.**

**Kagome:**  Well, yes, I do—

**Narita:**  Jaken.

**Jaken****:  Hai, Sessho—why you!**

*THUD*

**Narita:  **I was quite for too long.

**Kagome:**  Ah...

**Sesshoumaru****:  Enough with this pointless chatter!  Inuyasha, you will become rust on my Toukijin—**

**Kagome:**  You said that already.

**Sesshoumaru****:  Did I?  Hmm.  I mustn't become repetitive.  It is not good for the Lord of the Western Lands.  Well, then, Inuyasha, wash your neck and wait for me!**

**Kagome:**  You know... that means you can't fight right now.

**Sesshoumaru****:  Who's asking you, wench?**

**Inuyasha****:  Shut up, Kagome!  Just let us fight!**

[Cue funny thinking music]

**Shippou****:  I think Inuyasha's brain got squished out of him by all the sits.**

**Kagome:**  Yes, but I haven't said 'sit'—

*THUD*

*THUD*

**Kagome:  **All _that_ often, you know.

**Sesshoumaru**** & Inuyasha:  Why you...**

**Jaken****:  Ah!  My lord Sesshoumaru-sama, to be brought down by a filthy human's subduing spell!  I shall save—ack!  [_rosaries_ are slipped over his head_]_**

**Kagome:**  Narita-san, I give this one to you.

**Narita:**  Jaken.

*THUD*

**Kagome:  **An interesting choice...

**Narita:**  And suitable, don't you think?

**Shippou****:  Hey, how did two come out of that box?  I only brought one!**

**Kumiko****:  Ah, Shippou, that's what I think is called artistic license.**

**Shippou****:  Huh?**

**Kagome:**  That means Cassidy-chan is messing with our heads again.

**Cassidy Jewell:**  Enough with that, get back to the conversation at hand!

**Kagome, Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, Jaken, Narita, Shippou, Kumiko:**  Yes, Cassidy Jewell-sama, oh greatest of writers and most revered person we know who is giving us an extremely lame line to—

*THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD*

*CRASH*

**Inuyasha****:  [_helium-effected voice against the table, a lamp in shards on his head_]  I think we got her mad.**

**Sesshoumaru****:  This was your fault.  Inuyasha.  Die.**

**Kagome:**  SIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*THUD*

*THUD*

**Narita:  **Jaken.

*THUD*

**Narita:**  Sounds better with three, I think.

**Kagome:**  I believe so.  Hmm, I think I'm hungry.

**Kumiko**** & Shippou:  Hey, let's go out for ice cream!**

**Sesshoumaru**** & Inuyasha:  Why you—huh?  Ice cream?**

**Sesshoumaru****:  You will bring me back a triple scoop of black cherry.**

**Inuyasha****:  No, you idiot!  Ramen-flavored!**

**Kagome:**  There's no such THING as ramen-flavored, you idiot!

**Inuyasha****:  True.  Besides, I hate ramen.  I don't see why they had to put that in the anime and manga.  Keh, idiots.  Get me some chocolate.**

**Kagome:**  I'm not your slave!

**Inuyasha****:  Do it, wench!**

**Jaken****:  I will bring you back your ice cream, Sesshoumaru-sama!  [_begins_ to run out the door_]_**

**Narita:**  Jaken.

*THUD*

**Narita:**  I wish a triple scoot of mint and chocolate chip.

**Kagome:**  Ooh, I want some butterscotch.  A double and on a wafer cone!

**Shippou****:  CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!**

**Inuyasha****:  I already chose that!**

**Shippou****:  So?**

**Inuyasha****:  Brat!  You can get your own favorite flavor!**

**Shippou****:  Kagome, he's picking on me!**

**Kagome:**  SIT!

*THUD*

*THUD*

**Kagome:**  Oops, sorry Sesshoumaru.  I didn't mean to say it for you to fall, too.

**Sesshoumaru**** & Inuyasha:  Make that a quart of ice cream, Jaken...**

**Kumiko****:  I'll have vanilla, please.**

**Jaken****:  What?  Is this Jaken relegated to such lowly duties?!  Sesshoumaru-sama, you must not mean for me to—**

**Narita:**  Jaken.

*THUD*

**Jaken****:  Why you...!**

**Sesshoumaru****:  Jaken.  Get the ice cream.  NOW.**

**Jaken****:  H-Hai, Sesshoumaru-samaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ [_voice fades as he's kicked out of the room_]**

**Sesshoumaru****:  [_turns to Narita_]  Now, about my voice... Deeper!  More commanding!  Throw back your shoulders and sit up straight!**

**Narita:**  Kagome, say it.

**Kagome:**  SIT!

*THUD*

*THUD*


End file.
